Christianbook.com reviews

Reviewed by Seasons Of Life Counseling (Sandusky, OH), March 10, 2009
Thought provoking concepts. A must read for parents, teens and singles who are waiting on God for "the right one".

Reviewed by Christina (GA), August 05, 2008
An amazing book by far! It has so many eye opening concepts and it feels like my own story in so many ways. She does a really good job of relating to the reader and exposing sinful motivations in relationships. So much of what she said really rang true for me.

Reviewed by Connie Armstrong (Pensacola, FL), May 02, 2008
There are so many truths in this book that apply to singles (young and old) as well as married folks. The author shares a good deal of scripture and some basic principles that will help one keep his or her relationship in check. I especially like the idea of defining a relationship and then, of course, as scripture commands taking every thought captive. This is a must read for teenagers, young adults, youth pastors, parents of young teens; basically anybody.

Reviewed by Christa Hahn (Hammond, MT), January 17, 2008
This book is so powerful! I think every single person, from high school on up should read it! It really made such an impact on my life! The author gives a true perspective on boy/girl relationships and gives wonderful insight on how to keep your heart pure. Such a blessing in my life!

Here's a link to a blog post about Emotional Purity

Kate O'Mara

Reviewed By: Kate O'Mara (Orignally posted on: Eclectic Homeschool Online)

emotional PURITY: An Affair of the Heart provides wisdom and a pathway for adolescents to follow through the "dating" years. It's hard for a parent to explain to teenagers and young adults that the world has a very different view of dating. It may seem that everyone is dating and they will be left out if they don't date. But that really isn't the case. The truth is that most young people that date carry emotional baggage with them into their marriages that they need not have carried had they only waited for the right person to come along.

Author Heather Paulsen walks the adolescent through the process of remaining emotionally pure until that person, that special person that God has picked for them comes, into their life. In the examples given in the book (and echoed throughout Christian churches) couples who wait for the person God wants them to marry have strong and happy marriages.

Chapter 1, called "Tracy and Mike," recounts a not-uncommon situation. Tracy and Mike are "just friends." They are good company for each other. However, one of them becomes emotionally hopeful or involved or invested in the relationship, while the other doesn't. Broken hearts can result from this worldview of men and women being "just friends."

"Avoiding Early Intimacy" and "Finding Good Guidance" are helpful chapters, as the ways to avoid such intimate scenarios become increasingly important to young people.

"Guarding Your Heart" is a chapter that every young woman should read. "God created women with hearts that are more sensitive and emotional than men's." Who doesn't know this? Some young women try to say they don't have tender hearts, but down deep inside they know that they do. The tender heart of a woman is needed to bond with her husband completely. It is not a good thing to bond in fleeting relationships.

The "Defining Friendship" chapter explains how many folks use the words "just friends" to mean no obligation. But what is a friendship without obligation, without loyalty?? The differences in definitions are staggering and can have intense impact on the young or na Chapter 8, "Trusting in God," shares thoughts, ideas, and Scripture about the fear that many single people have about being single forever. Settling for the wrong mate is not what God wants for you. You must trust God's plan. Preparing for marriage is a big task. To truly know that you are ready for a life-long commitment and understand that God will bring that right person into your life is a very mature concept to grasp.

The chapter called "Dating Done Differently" describes a balanced and Godly approach to dating. Dating with accountability, blessing, and allowing God to be in control (rather than emotions or physical passion) is a beautiful way to find a mate. If you can date with mutual respect and pray on the things that are troubling, you will find that right mate to marry.

Other chapters include: Learning True Contentment, Creating Sage ideals, Watching Your Feelings, Understanding Your Expectations, Following God's Plan, Seeing Christ's Design, and Enjoying Your Single Years. All are full of Scripture references that relate exactly to the issue at hand.

For those who love a happy ending, and I am one, "Continuing My Journey" tells the author's story of her wait before God put she and her husband in the same place at the same time. Their story brings a smile as you find that everyone around them thought they should be together, even before they met.

"Questions for Study and Discussion" lets this volume be used as a personal reference or inner writing guide, or as a group guide for young adults. emotional PURITY is a must read for young, single Christians as well as parents who wish to guide their youth through adolescence.

Colleen Klein

I am 26, and I have read it a couple of times, and since I have never dated, or been in a relationship, some of the information does not apply at this time, but definitely guides my prayers.

The part that impacted me the most is when you talk about our "dating/courtship" relationship to mirror our relationship with Jesus, which means we start with commitment, and not "get to know you and share my heart with you until there is nothing left, then consider commitment".

I have shared that with others, because as Christians, I do believe we tend to adopt the world's standards in relationships: "are our personalities compatible?" or "are their sparks?", instead of trusting the Lord that HE has someone uniquely designed for each of us, if we will seek HIM, and not a spouse! I wish I had an amazing testimony to share with you, but not yet, I am still waiting... :o)

I can see the Lord's protective hand upon my life, though. I had always believed the lies that I was fat and ugly and would never get married, that is why I had never been asked out on date. But the Lord has set me free, and shown me my identity in Himself and that His plans are to protect me from unnecessary hurt and heartache. And that I would spend these single years pursuing Him wholeheartedly. Doesn't He promise to reward those who diligently seek Him? The Lord knows the desires of my heart because He put them there and I know that He has set me apart for some really special man. :o)

Elissa from The Sonflowerz

I was so encouraged when I read "Emotional Purity"! In a time when culture is teaching us to carelessly toss our hearts to the wind, "Emotional Purity" uncovers the pitfalls and reveals a better way to live the single life. Saving our hearts, and the emotions within, for our spouse is a forgotten tradition. Heather Paulsen has a testimony that is worth reading. She lets readers into a very real journey of finding true love.

Elissa Leander
The Sonflowerz
(www.sonflowerz.com)

Mary A.

One Sunday, while I was at some friends' house, I noticed your book, "Emotional Purity" on their book shelf. I asked the lady of the house if I could borrow it, and that is how I came to read your book.

Why did I want to borrow the book? Well, first of all, I love to read relationship books, and books dealing with purity, etc. The real reason that the the title of your book caught my eye, however, was because I was desperately trying to find a proper perspective for myself when it comes to guys.

Let me explain. In the fall of '06 I started my freshman year at a small Bible College. Even though I technically knew better, I allowed myself to develop silly, school girl crushes on several of the guys there. I frankly wasted a lot of emotional energy on these "imagined" relationships. I would like to think that I also could have made better grades if I would have remained totally focused on my studies.

Anyway, so this school year, I stayed home to help my parents in their business. However, I am returning to Bible College next fall! Hence why I was and am trying to find the right outlook on the whole "guy thing" before I go back to college. Your book found me in the" nick of time". It reinforced what I already knew, renewed my vision for purity before marriage, and helped me to see that "fantasizing" about a guy that hasn't committed to me" is frankly, STUPID! Hopefully, this next time around, I will keep my focus on God and His Will for me, and my studies. I am bound and determined to keep my thoughts and daydreamin' in check.

Heather, thanks for your book!

Mary 20 yrs. and single

Jessie Ward

Emotional Purity has impacted my life in such a great way. God used this book to get my heart on the road to healing. I had just gotten out of an unhealthy relationship and my heart was aching. It's been one year since the breakup and I've been filling the void in my heart with Jesus! Many of my friends have LOVED this book too!

Alyssa Barlow

Alyssa Barlow of BarlowGirl:

I am so excited though to see what God is going to do through this book. It's impacted my life and I KNOW it's going to impact many others.

Alyssa, Heather, Becca, and Lauren

Jessica High

Jessica High- 16yrs In a Relationship with Jesus Christ, lover of my soul (or Single, speaking in human terms. :D)

Before I had even started reading Emotional Purity, I had a covenant between God and my parents that I would not date until out of highschool, even then the relationship would be a courtship, with the relationship hopefully ending in marriage. But more privately, I had decided to make Jesus Christ my ONLY love until that time, keeping my heart pure too.

It wasn't too hard to live at first. I had (and have) a great circle of friends. Christ was my life and my love. But by 9th grade, we had switched churches and I was surrounded with a new group of people. Crushes were no big deal, match-making games were funny. I didn't quite know how to deal with all of that. Was I missing something that would be 'just for fun'?

That question became a struggle for me- be an example or have some completely harmless fun? I know many girls or guys make the commitment I had, in respect to keeping my heart pure. I wanted to use my story, but at the same time I wanted to just 'be one of the girls.'

One of my older friends mentioned I might like to read "Emotional Purity." So I borrowed the book and read through it in a couple of days. It was exactly what I needed to hear. I'm not alone. My covenant was important. The book even gave me some new ideas to think about. The confidence I've gained is so well worth it.

Life isn't worrying about "waiting for Prince Charming." Life is about loving Jesus Christ- He only acts in the ways that would most bless us. We're never alone in the fight. Thank you, Heather, for reminding me of this. :)

Brett and Alex Harris

Brett and Alex Harris, 19 (The Rebelution)

A helpful examination of the emotional pitfalls of premature guy-girl relationships — even if you don’t “date” and you’re not “courting” yet. A needed book.

Amazon Review

After much reading, listening, and generally much time spent reviewing what has been recently put out on this subject, this book exceeded my expectations.

The author writes, not from a puritanistic, sheltered perspective, but from a realistic standpoint, yet clearly with a desire to be holy and set apart.

She gives great truths that I think can be easily and clearly communicated to all ages of singles - male and female, youths on up! Phenomenal book - a quick read, but one that I think begs a second - or third - read.

Joy Deen

Joy Deen, 21

I think it addresses issues that many evangelicals do not address in the realm of relationships. It's easy to write a book on staying sexually pure before marriage. Not so easy to write a book on staying emotionally pure before marriage. An excellent read, and quite timely for our society.

Heather, I did want you know I've recommended your book so often to many girlfriends who have told me how much it ministered to them in their time of need.

Brittney Bradley

3 adjectives: attainable, provoking, and completely life changing!

Heather's little book of wisdom showed her honesty and vulnerability, but it also displayed courage and paved a path of example that we (Christian Women AND men) CAN walk if we make the decision to follow Christ with our WHOLE heart, mind, soul and strength.

The book isn't a flippant read, rather it penetrates the soul and challenges the mind, in hopes of bringing it to a place of complete surrender to Christ; the reader however, must be willing to embark on the sometimes arduous journey of emotional purity.

At times, Heather warns, it won't be easy. However, she encourages us that in our struggle - Christ's strength is made perfect in our weakness as we rely on Him.

I truly believe that every Christian SHOULD read it! Man or Woman, Single or Married! It is a great tool for parents and child alike. they will both learn a great deal. Especially since there are questions at the end of each chapter. In short: I LOVED THE BOOK!!!

Brittney Bradley (single age 22)

Reviewed by Christa Hahn (Hammond, MT), January 17, 2008

This book is so powerful! I think every single person, from high school on up should read it! It really made such an impact on my life! The author gives a true perspective on boy/girl relationships and gives wonderful insight on how to keep your heart pure. Such a blessing in my life!

Bloom-Blog Review

Introducing the Bloom! Book Club!

This week we're thrilled to announce a new feature here on Bloom!: the Book Club! We'll be starting it in January, but I'm introducing it now because we are going to give you, our readers, the vote on which should be Bloom!'s very first book club book. We'll be posting reviews of three books over the course of this week, and at the end of the week I'll post a poll on our blog so you can vote for your favorite. Ready?

The first book is Emotional Purity, by Heather Paulsen. This book addresses a unique aspect of purity that is rarely thought of today, and the topic of emotional purity is especially applicable to us as young women. Every true Christian knows about physical purity. The message is pounded in us, it sometimes seems, from all angles. But no one ever talks about emotional purity. We already know that we are, by design, naturally more emotional than men. We want to connect with others on the emotional level, and there is nothing wrong with wanting that emotional intimacy. The difficulty comes when, in this emotional free-for-all world, we trade intimacies without commitment. Hearts get broken, precious things get ruthlessly trampled. Isn't there another way to protect us from such emotional scars?

And that, my friends, is where this book comes in. The chapters cover a variety of topics, from the expected "Guarding Your Heart" and "Dating Done Differently" to "Trusting in God", "Creating Safe Ideals", and "Understanding Your Expectations." It opens with a story that might ring true for many of us: the fictional account of Tracy and Mike, two Christian singles who connect, build what looks like a promising relationship, and share hopes and dreams. And then, Tracy is left suddenly crushed when Mike suddenly shows up with a girlfriend. She gave herself completely away to him emotionally, and now is left again with a broken heart.

Paulsen astutely points out several things that prove just how precious - and dangerous - emotional intimacy can be for women. While women can grapple with lust in the traditional sense of the word, we've also created our own unique brand. Pornography, for us, can be the emotional fantasizing about so-and-so. We can be emotionally married in our minds in half a second, and waste time with our daydreams and imaginings about life with whoever happens to be our current fantasy. And so we must seek to fight against these dangers.

But one thing I most appreciate about this book is that it does not just act as a warning sign. In fact, it doesn't do that at all. Instead, Paulsen also describes the beauty of saving your emotions for your husband, and the beautiful marriage that comes out of that. If you've taken some of the special emotional intimacy meant for your marriage away, and connected with several other guys, suddenly your marriage isn't as special as it could have been. Writing with humility, and out her own experience and mistakes, Heather Paulsen encourages us to take a different route, and to consider one aspect of purity that is so often overlooked. And yet, particularly for women, emotions are key, and are precursors to physical purity.

And finally, here's another thought from her book: the Proverbs 31 women does good to her husband all the days of his life, not just after they are married. Think about that.

Holly

Holly

Ladies -- my life would have been way easier had I known the principles in this book earlier and how to act on them, and I want to help save you from going through the heartache I've had.

We are familiar with what it means to go "all the way" physically before marriage. But what about going "all the way" emotionally -- where our hearts get unhealthily invested in either a person or the idea of marriage before it's time? Is that harmful too? I would submit a definite "yes" to that question.

This book puts on paper what my conscience told me but I could never articulate. It addresses the hairy issue that many women struggle with that is the equivalent to guys' visual lust struggles... you know, the fantasy world of daydreaming of a future life together with so-and-so, obsessing, wondering if so-and-so is "the one", etc. that robs us of the freedom and joy of TODAY! :)

But it's hardly addressed and is overlooked in Christian circles today as something that isn't a big deal. In reality it is something that can tear apart our relationship with Christ as well as a future marriage if it is not dealt with. It's not a guy issue but a heart issue.

The author of this book vulnerably shares ways that this is harmful as well as ways that we can work to prevent and fight it. I think there are some really good principles in here that may not be so popular, but I think they are great because it brings our focus back to Christ, which is where our hearts are most free -- whether we are married or single. :) I think His dreams far surpass our dreams for ourselves and He longs to provide His dreams for us because He loves us. His dreams and plans for us are far more free, more abundant, and more joyful. :)

It's called Emotional Purity by Heather Paulsen. If you order it from the publisher, Crossway, you get a free PDF copy right away. Here's the link: http://www.gnpcb.org/product/158134855X

Aim the Mind Review

This review was from Jason: http://www.aimthemind.blogspot.com/

This book stakes a claim for thinking as a Christian about emotional intimacy. The stakes are never higher than they are now. The increasingly early sexualization of our youths reveals a deep-set cry of confusion and sorrow that the church must answer with biblical wisdom. This book has taken the pioneer’s first step toward composing the necessary response to a growing problem in the church: hazily defined intimate relationships without commitment.

All true Christians appreciate the value of sexual purity. But what do we know about emotional purity? What do today’s Christian singles know about keeping our hearts free of emotional entanglements with believers of the opposite sex? How many stories do we have to hear about believers giving up their hearts to one another before marriage (even before dating) only to have them broken by assumptions, ungrounded hopes and dreams, and misguided expectations?If all young Christian singles, particularly women, were to read and absorb this book today, I believe there would be a small revolution in Titus 2 femininity across the evangelical landscape. The book’s message is that crucial, especially in today’s relationship milieu.

The book begins with a lengthy fictional scenario about Tracy and Mike, two Christian singles who have a platonic relationship that ends in emotional devastation for Tracy. The story depicts the all too familiar cycle of a pair hanging out, pouring out their hearts to one another, building up to what appears to be a romantic relationship, and then the falling out as one (in this case Mike) shatters the assumptions of the other. This story becomes the central reference point throughout the book—it’s careful depiction of a relationship seriously mishandled by two people driven by self-centered desires.

The rest of the book consists of fourteen concise chapters that congregate around several major themes. The final two chapters make up the conclusion of the work, with chapter 16 serving as a real-life bridge from the author’s singleness to marriage. Paulsen’s openness and concreteness strongly connect the message to its audience. I left the work feeling like I had a long, clear look into the author’s heart. Furthermore, enhancing the particular gravity of the book is the very fact tat the author wrote it when she was single herself. She writes in the introduction, "I am not sharing theory but real-life challenges and concerns as I and many others experience them" (12).

The book’s central premise is this: commitment before intimacy. It is a clarion call for followers of Jesus Christ to lay aside their selfish desires and protect one another (including themselves) from an emotional intimacy that "stirs feelings and senses that promote a bond, a union that God reserves for the marriage relationship" (33). Paulsen astutely places relational intimacy against the backdrop of our relationship with Christ (56, 60). This reminds us that everything in our lives must be patterned after God and set on giving Him the glory.

This also places a greater emphasis on marriage and on the "giving" aspect in male-female relationships, which are so prone to being abused for the selfish, temporary gains of comfort and ego-boosting. Paulsen writes, "God does not play games. He does not tease with emotional highs and lows to draw you to Him. He does not befriend you only to leave you at an emotional low while He goes on to the next emotional high with another friend. He asks for a solid commitment and does not take a halfhearted vow" (60). This is the kind of quote that stops the no-commitment, carefree relationship-monger dead in his or her tracks!

Many women will turn to this book only for help on dating or just guy-girl issues. These seekers will not be disappointed. Much of the middle section of the book thoughtfully deals with issues of men and women (especially their differences), and interactions with the opposite sex. This section can be summarized by a quote on p. 113: "There is a freedom in saving your emotions for your spouse and spending time in your single years in God’s private classroom. With God’s way, you protect emotions that are to be freely given to the mate of His choice for you." The author’s practical advice brims with everyday wisdom gained from life experience and from opening her heart to those older than her (esp. her parents). Such humility is much appreciated, especially on a subject that Scripture does not delineate in black-and-white terms.

The key points of practical insight from the meat of the book are—understanding the emotional nature of women, not defrauding a fellow believer by taking something from him/her (as in their emotions) that doesn’t belong to you, creating boundaries in opposite sex relationships, and controlling your thoughts so that you don’t indulge in fantasies nor presume upon the other person’s unvoiced intentions. Each theme is vividly explained, with each one reappearing multiple times in different contexts. This "theme and variations" approach to the content reinforces the themes and demonstrates how the same theme can be illuminated with spiritual benefit from multiple angles.

Appropriately, Paulsen also focuses her spotlight on our desires. She tackles common fears and misapprehensions of single believers. She writes, "Can you understand that being envious and not trusting God can create a wall between you and the Father? Does it excite you to be at a place of peace about your singleness? Our God is very giving, and we have no business seeking to please our wills (our flesh). Only He can satisfy the deepest longings of our souls" (74). She calls us to reorient our hearts and their all too often straying desires around God alone. To this end the sins of envy, jealousy, discontentment, and false thoughts ("unrealistic and make-believe thoughts," she calls them on p. 93) are targeted with a view to abhorring them and bringing every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. She knows firsthand how singles are all too prone to these wearisome sins. And she also knows firsthand how rejoicing in undistracted fellowship with the Lord is the key to being satisfied with singleness as a believer (100). She writes, "Since marriage requires laying aside our will and serving another, why not learn this in our single years?" (100). Well-stated and well worth applying immediately in order to demolish those self-serving strongholds that singles can so easily erect when marriage eludes them.

There is much of God and of savoring Him in this book—a quality that is sorely lacking in Christian books on practical issues. Perhaps this is most memorable trait. I was drawn to the book purely on the basis of its topic. But I was greatly pleased that the topic was filtered through the Lordship of Christ. As one who has ministered to singles, I’ve dealt with the issues of the book on a regular basis. And I’ve come to notice just how easily these issues can be diagnosed and dealt with at the total exclusion of God’s word. The flesh is very strong when it comes to relational matters and it’s first casualty is the acknowledgement of God in our minds to shed pure, divine light on what becomes obscured by personal cravings. Paulsen continually brings us back to the heart of emotional purity, which is our relationship to Christ and how that manifests itself in our sufficiency during singleness, our setting Him apart as the only Savior for all of our emotional needs (even in marriage), and our submitting to His glory in our desire for and our pursuit of marriage. Her emphasis on God’s sovereignty over singleness and marriage acts as a charge to all believers, a charge "to take a leap of faith by giving up our full control in finding a mate" (127).

In a book on relationships and guarding one’s heart, it is short on lists of do’s and don’ts. For that I am thankful to the author because by placing the emphasis on broader themes and general wisdom (couched in the particulars of her and other people’s actual experiences), she gets more mileage out of the message. We aren’t strapped to a set of relational rules. Rather we are freed up, equipped with Paulsen’s practical insight with Scriptural support in hand, to apply, by the Spirit, what we’ve learned to our own lives. If you want a relevant, personal, wise, and God-centered book on what it means to keep your heart free from relationship idols, turn to this encouraging resource